Home > Uncategorized > 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover (Part 2 of 5)

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover (Part 2 of 5)

It’s the second segment of 5 of the 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.  Turns out its pretty difficult to think of 10 new ways at a time, let alone 50.  But I will do my best.  A couple of these ones have actually crossed my own mind in relationships past, although they were never successfully executed by me.  But surely someone, somewhere…”The problem is all inside your head, she said to me.  The answer is easy if you take it logically. I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free.  There must be 50 ways to leave your lover.”

1. With a Dear John

It’s the tried a true method.  There was even a short lived TV show of the same name. It’s one of the more cowardly ways, but it allows for getting all of your reasons out on the table and not being interrupted with rebuttals along the way.  I’m sure there’s been thousands, maybe even millions, of lovers left with the last kiss placed on a postage stamp.

2. Change Your Sexual Orientation

Possibly more extreme for a woman to be left this way then a man.  Certainly in recent times there have been plenty of girls deciding to walk on the other side of the fence for a while.  Whether or not they decide to live there permanently or not, it would certainly get you away from your current lover of the opposite sex (in most cases anyway).

3. Trick Them Into Leaving You

I would think this one would be pretty easy.  And in fact, I would be willing to wager that plenty of younger men employ this method all the time.  Step 1. Treat your lover less than lovingly, ignore, don’t call for days, maybe don’t shower or brush your hair.  Step 2. They get fed up with your garbage and leave you.  Practically guilt free break up.

4. Get Caught Leading a Double Life

Of course just leading the double life would not result in leaving your lover, but getting caught would certainly end in love(s) lost.  And again, it seems to happen more than one might think.  Seems like way too much work.  I can barely keep up with one household.  I guess that’s why it is usually men who can afford to have a wife (or two) at home that end up in this kind of situation.

5. By Text Message

Oh the abbreviated world of text messaging.  How about: Idk how 2 ask u, can we just b friends?   It’s probably one of the most abrupt ways to end a relationship, but I’m sure it happens all the time, especially among the ever fickle teenage population.

6. Sleep with Their Sibling


I don’t have a sister, but if I did and my lover slept with her, that would definitely be the end.  Of course, this isn’t necessarily a sure fire method.  There are those sisters out there that like to share everything, lovers included.  In which case, if you were trying to leave your lover in this manner, you might end up with two lovers you don’t want instead of one.

7. Find Better Sex

I suppose this is more of a reason than a way to leave your lover.  But if you discovered better sex, then you were already cheating so it was on the rocks anyway.  If you’re honest and tell them you’re leaving them because you found a better bed mate, then it may even help them be a better lover – to someone else.

8. Fake Your Death

You’d have to be pretty desperate to get out this way.  But if you have a good plan, it just might work.  Of course, you ‘d need to assume a new identity and start all over, and always be double certain you’ve covered your tracks.  Think Julia Roberts in Sleeping With the Enemy.  Great elaborate planning foiled by blabber mouth lady from the swimming pool.  Ah, the best laid plans…

9. Withholding Sex

This is just a waiting game and would probably only work if you were a woman trying to leave a man.  But if you didn’t give it up for an extended period of time, it would only be a matter of time before they had to find a release somewhere other than with you.

10. Pursue a Career Far Away

“I’m really sorry, but I just can’t pass up this opportunity in Australia”.  Of course, you have to make sure they don’t have the means to follow you wherever it is you say you are going.  And if you are just lying about leaving, then you have to lay low for a while, but after a few months, you should be in the clear.

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